If after an honest attempt to come to an agreement, you and your spouse are still unable to reach an accord, there are other methods of dispute resolution available before you seek legal help. The use of a neutral third person can often make the difference in negotiating a settlement.
The third person can be a member of the clergy, a marriage or family counselor, or a professional mediator. Some states have counseling or conciliation services available for just this purpose. The use of these services is generally free and available to any who request it. Look in the yellow pages in your area, ask the clerk of your local court, or check with your local social services agencies for a referral to such counseling.
Divorce mediation is a process in which the spouses consult with a trained professional and discuss their disagreements until an understanding is reached. A professional media-tor does not make the decisions. Rather, he or she is trained in conflict resolution and in methods of coaching disagreeing spouses to work out their own agreements. Submitting disputed issues to mediation is a commitment to work cooperatively.
The use of an independent mediator or counseling service should be viewed as a positive step. Often, the use of mediation services will provide all of the additional help that is needed for a couple to reach a satisfactory agreement. Mediation is an alternative method to resolve your differences on a cooperative basis. All of the issues involved in your divorce can be the subject of successful mediation: property division, child custody and visitation, child support, and alimony. Mediation can often enable a couple to reach agreement without resorting to the adversarial legal process.
Most likely, you and your spouse will be able to reach agreement on many of the issues that you will confront in your divorce process. In some cases, however, there may be bitter disagreement over a single problem or issue. Such disagreement may often lead to a breakdown of the entire process of negotiation. If you and your spouse run into such difficulty as you go through the process of reaching an amicable marital settlement, you should reread this section. Rather than discard all of the efforts that you have made in reaching agreement on the other points in your divorce, consider the use of mediation or counseling services to enable you to get past your particular sticking point. You and your spouse will tell the mediator what it is you want to achieve. Mediation is not a marriage counseling service designed to get the two of you back together. It will be an attempt to aid you in peacefully and rationally resolving your disagreements regarding the terms of your separation and divorce.
There are many organizations that may be able to provide you with information in ob-taining professional mediation services. The Academy of Family Mediators (5 Militia Drive, Lexington MA 02421; phone: 781-674-2663; email: afmoffice@mediators.org; and website: www.mediationadr.net) is a national family mediation association and provides information regarding regional mediation services.
The American Arbitration Association also provides professional dispute settlement services nationwide, through its national office, (American Arbitration Association, 335 Madison Avenue, Floor 10, New York, New York 10017-4605, phone: 212-716-5800, Customer Service 800-778-7879) and 25 regional offices in major cities throughout the country. In addition, State Bar Associations generally maintain lists of qualified mediators in the area of divorce and family law.
Mediation is a voluntary process and you and your spouse may choose to withdraw from mediation at any time. Mediators are not judges and have no power to force decisions on you or your spouse. Unlike a legal court proceeding, the sessions will be private and informal and will allow both you and your spouse to calmly discuss your situation and focus your disagreements. Mediators are professionally trained in the process of resolving disputes and will attempt to provide you with experienced guidance in your discussions.
© Nova Publishing Company, 2005